When I first started attending church, I was broken and lost. I had no idea what I was doing. Today, five years after following Jesus, I am still broken. What I mean by this is, when I started attending church, I had my vodka in my coffee cup, and I was paranoid that someone would know my secrets. I was a hot addicted driven mess, wrapped inside a normal looking body. If you looked at me, you wouldn’t necessarily know how bad my addictions were. Today, as I sat in church, I was thinking about my neighbors in the pew. I was thinking about how much people really do judge one another, or maybe it’s just me. We think we know someone by their appearance, or perhaps their Facebook posts. Even though I am sober, and even though I will tell you all about my story of overcoming, I’m still a little broken inside. I still fear rejection. I still worry about what you will think of me. I still need Jesus just as much today as I did six years ago. I may come across as a completely different person than I really am, but the truth is, my heart is honestly just a little fragile so I keep it guarded. People might judge me because of the clothes I wear, or because of my husband’s reputation, and those fears can cripple me if I allow them. You know what I do in order to acknowledge my guardrails in this situation? I sit in the front row. Not because I want to be noticed, but I sit in the front row because I want to soak in as much good stuff as I can. I know myself well enough to know that the further I sit back, the more rows full of distractions there are. If I am in the front row, I can see the words on the screen, the worship band, and the pastor. If I sit two rows back, that allows me to have two rows worth of distractions, two rows worth of people, and two rows worth of chances for that fear to creep in. I’m only five years saved, I’m just a baby Christian at this whole thing in comparison to most. But I know what tempts me to take my focus off of God. Once I can pin-point things that take my focus away from God, I know that I must remove it. Might seem silly to you, but it works for me. Face to face in His presence, in the front row I am able to focus on what the message is. I am able to let the words of the song truly sink into my heart. I can let His presence be the only thing I notice because I have chosen to remove the distractions.
However, completely contradicting what I just said, I now ask you this question? As you look around the room during church, do you really know your neighbor? Or even at home where you live, do you truly know the neighbors on your block? Do you know their hurts? Do you know their favorite colors? Do you ever put strangers in the pew more important than your already tight schedule? What if that stranger is silently begging to be noticed by anyone? What if that stranger in your family church has no clue who Jesus is? What if that person across the sanctuary that you have only waved to in passing could really benefit from your story because she is actually struggling with the same exact thing? I know eating disorders are a lot more common than we want to let on. But they are becoming more and more of a serious problem. And I won’t know who I can reach if I don’t tell my story, and more importantly, I won’t know your story if I don’t take the time to listen. Invest in your neighbor, it could save their life.